I want to go home NOW. If I didn't have a super cheap ticket that doesn't let you make any changes at all I'd be on the phone changing it. Well maybe not right now because it's almost 1am but you get the idea.

I want desperately to be at home right now. Well actually I want to be parents' home. In the spare room bed, eating mom food (chicken soup would be good right now) and ice cream and gorging on all the season finales I missed. Then I want to see my best friend and eat more ice cream and chocolate while I tell her that she was right. And then I'd like to go to work and make money for a change. Then I want to decompress and try and separate the good memories of this trip from the bad ones.

I missed the Orsay. The one museum I really wanted to see. I won't get into why because not everyone needs to know. I'm hoping Brussels will be better but I doubt it. London should be some improvement at least. At the very least it'll be almost over then.

It's terrible that it's come to this.

Out of Africa

So now that I'm on a keyboard that isn't Arabic (most confusing ones to use yet) I'm going to attempt to put into words my experience in Morocco.

I was really nervous on the ferry trip over because I had no idea what to expect. I'd gotten some very mixed reviews from people about my going there. Some said it was a great place to visit others said they thought it wasn't safe and even my book had mixed reviews about it. I chatted with an elderly Moroccan woman on the boat over. She was very helpful. Anyway, we got into Tangier and I took a taxi to the train station. There was another backpacker there and we were instant friends. His name was Jamie and we went for coffee down the street to pass the time before our night train to Marrakesh. It was funny because the cafe owner carried on a thirty minute conversation with him as though I weren't even there. That was my first taste of how different attitudes are there. When we got to the train station we met some more backpackers and I ended up spending most of my time in Marrakesh with them. I think there, much more than in Europe, there is a tendency for Western travellers to congregate, because it is so foreign.

Waking up in Marrakesh was like waking up in another world. Definitely does not look like Europe. We quickly found hotels (for 5 euro a night yay) and set off to see the city. We wandered through the souks (little shops all lined up together) and even went into a carpet shop. That was a pretty cool experience because they make you mint tea and do a whole song and dance for you. We only went in because Jen wanted a carpet. Once your inside it's difficult to leave without a purchase. We discovered quickly that window shopping is not possible because as soon as you look at something too long, or touch it, they're right on you, determined to make a sale. So we were careful about how long we glanced at things since most people just wanted to check things out the first day. Later on that night we hit the square, called Djemaa Fna, which is what Marrakesh is famous for. It doesn't look like much during the day but at night it fills with food stalls and performers and all kinds of things. Both Jen and I ended up getting henna. The food stalls are interesting because they all call out to you as you walk through, trying to get you to eat there. It must be difficult because everyone is selling mostly the same thing. After dinner we had a feast of watermelon on the terrace of one of the hotels.

The next day I got very very lost with Mike, trying to find the palaces. At first it was a good kind of lost but then it started to get kind of sketchy with people on bicycles following us. You have to always remember that nothing comes for free in Marrakesh. After a few hours we managed to figure out where we were and get back to the square. It was interesting though because we saw parts of Marrakesh where tourists don't usually venture.

I relaxed most of the third day then said goodbye to Jen, Neil, Jose and Dave. Mike and Jamie had already left for Essaoira. It worked out well because they let me use their hotel room that night (much nicer than mine) since they'd paid for it but were taking the night train back to Tangier. I met Shannon there and he and I spent the following day looking for, and eventually finding the palaces.

After Marrakesh I went to Casablanca, spent a night there because there wasn't much to see and then went to Rabat. Rabat was cool. I sat on the beach for awhile and enjoyed the atmosphere.

I'm really glad I decided to go. I'm also glad I found people to hang out with because I think I enjoyed myself a lot more that way. For one, I'd been missing being around people. It was cool being someplace so different from what I'm used to. I hope to go back one day and see more of the country. A week was definitely not enough.

I am in Africa. That is all for now.

I'm going to Africa tomorrow. There's something you don't say every day. I'm nervous but the more I think about it, the more I think I need it. I don't recognize myself right now, but not in a good way. I'm hoping Marrakesh will help ground me a little. Re-center me. I'm such a mix of contradictory emotions. I am so happy to be here and loving the things I am seeing and doing and experiencing but I am so lost too. And it's more than just being in strange countries. It's a different kind of lost, an internal kind. Maybe I came here to lose myself? If so I think I'm ready to be found now. I'm hoping Morocco will help with that somehow. It is, I think, among the most adventurous things I've done, going to Africa by myself (if you're reading this Mom, stop worrying). It's not Nigeria or the Congo or any place with a strong Red Cross presence but it is still Africa. And I probably have no idea of the kind of culture shock I'm in for. If I'm lucky that shock will knock me out of this stupid funk I'm in. How can one be happy and miserable at the same time?

Now, about Madrid. I'm glad I came here without many preconceptions because I'd probably have been disappointed. There isn't that much here. The Prado was wonderful but I haven't found much to fill the rest of the time. Walking around isn't as interesting as it is other places. But, I came here because you have to go through Spain to reach Morocco so there you go.

My Spanish has impressed me though. I've done pretty well at understanding people and communicating. Even understood some of the movie they showed on the train. I guess 5 years have had an effect, even if 4 of them were 6 years ago. I think if I stayed here longer a lot would come back.

What an interesting day

My family often tells the story of how one winter when we were in Saskatchewan my sister refused to put a jacket on because it was sunny out. My parents let her figure out for herself that it can be sunny and cold. I learned the opposite today. It can be cloudy and still ridiculously hot.

I went to the Prado in the morning. I didn't end up going to the Orsay by the way because the stupid thing was closed Mondays (grr) which means I have to visit it when I pass through Paris en route to Belgium in a few weeks. I MUST see the Orsay. It's the mothership for a little Impressionism fan like me. The Prado was my second favorite art gallery on this trip so far, after the Uffizi. I fell in love with El Greco. His paintings suck you in like a vaccum. There´s a ridiculously huge collection of Velasquezes and Goyas. Goya is neat because there's such contrast in his work. Some of it looks very Italian, there was a period of black work and some other stuff too. What I liked about the Prado was that most artists' had all their work grouped together so you could really notice this stuff. I like being able to see how an artist's career progressed. There was also a special Picasso exhibit and I have to say, I either love his stuff or hate it. Some of it just looks childish. They displayed some of the paintings that he reinterpreted in cubism and that was pretty cool. I loved the Prado so much more than the Louvre. The Louvre is impressive for its sheer size, but in terms of number of quality pieces, or at least quality in my opinion, other galleries are superior. With 60,000 pieces they can't all be masterpieces so there's a lot of sifting to be done. Not so with the Prado.

As usual after a gallery visit, I didn't feel like doing more sightseeing right away afterwards so I found a supermarket and bought some official backpacker food (bread and nutella) and went to the park to 'meditate' a bit. It was good and I've come to some conclusions. Some changes are going to be made when I return to Vancouver. Particularly in terms of how I approach people and how I let them approach me. I see some issues with how I do that now that need to change for the sake of my continued happiness and sanity.

Oh, I've also decided to write another novel. An idea came to me on the 16 hour trip to Madrid (yuck to that by the way), in much the same way that the idea for my first novel came to me. I won't divulge any details on a public blog but I'm excited about it and I'm excited to be excited about writing again. It's been too long since I've felt that urge inside of me.

Oh yes, I also stopped in Plaza de Colon to watch some football (soccer) on the big screens. I don't care much about soccer but the atmosphere is really cool. Spain was playing the Ukraine and kicked butt. It's cool to watch how excited people get, even over a game that was supposed to be a pretty easy win. They really REALLY like football here. And I got my very own World Cup face paint kit hehe. Who should I cheer for?

Vive la France

Is it really June 11th already? That means that soon I will only have 2 weeks left. It's weird because on the one hand it has gone by so fast, the result no doubt of being in a different city every few days, but on the other hand it feels like forever since I've been home. I miss funny things, like breakfast food and salad dressing. When I get back, I'm going to miss the public transit infrastructure of most cities here (not in Italy mind you) and being able to get everywhere by train. I'll also miss getting to discover a new culture every few days and having art and history everywhere.

I've learned a lot on this trip, about the world, people and myself. Ah yes I have learned many things about myself, or had them pointed out to me, some good, some bad. All interesting. One of the most interesting things has been spending so much time alone. I've never needed to be surrounded by people all the time and I like my own company most of the time but it is so strange to spend so much time without the presence of others, others that I know that is. When you spend your days walking around cities by yourself you have a lot of time to think. It is in fact hard not to think. If you know me, you know that I already think a lot.

But enough of that. What you all really want to hear about I know is Paris. Ah Paris. After years of waiting, at last I am here. Back when I went to Europe with my dance school I was disappointed when it was decided not to go to Paris. It is one city that I remember always wanting to see. Probably because I've been speaking French for almost as long as I've been speaking English. It has not disappointed.

On my first full day I visited Notre-Dame, Saint-Sulpice (the church from the DaVinci Code if you're not familiar), the Pantheon and walked around the Latin Quarter and Montparnasse. Notre-Dame was nice but would have been more impressive if it weren't the thousandth church I've seen. The architecture is very interesting though and the grounds behind it are beautiful. It's right along the Seine to which makes for some nice pictures. Saint-Sulpice was beautiful and it has a lot more going for it than just the fact that Dan Brown used it in his book. Everyone who goes take pictures of the obelisk that the fake stone was supposedly hidden under. There are signs posted reminding people that the book is a work of fiction and in fact, no nun was murdered there. There's a really neat light effect when the sun is bright enough where a disk is reflected on the floor. Apparently on a specific day and time of the year it is located right on top of a plaque in the floor. There was a free tour of the crypts so I did that. There's only one tomb because the rest were pillaged but you can see the remains of the original church that it was built on top of. I also visited Paris' Pantheon. It's quite different from the one in Rome and smaller. After that I wandered through Luxembourg gardens and saw Luxembourg Castle.

Day two I spent on the other side of central Paris. I started at the Louvre (just the grounds) then walked through the Tuileries Gardens to the Champs d'Elysees. I walked down that very busy street to the Arc de Triomphe and then to the Eiffel Tower. The line for the elevator was very long so I took the stairs. They don't go all the way to the top but the view is still fantastic.

Today I went to the Louvre. I'm not sure what to say about it really. It is enormous for one and your head spins trying to figure out what to see and where to start. Like everyone else I started with the Italians the Grand Gallerie. I saw the Mona Lisa and unlike many, wasn't disappointed because I had no expectations. It was actually bigger than I expected. To hear some people talk after seeing it I was expecting almost a miniature. It is a nice painting but it isn't mind blowing. I also saw the Virgin on the Rocks and the Venus de Milo and much much more. I mostly skimmed the collection of French painting because my interest in French art lies primarily in the 19th century and I will get my fill of that tomorrow at the Orsay. I really enjoyed the Louvre but probably unlike a lot of visitors to Paris, my primary art museum interest is in the Orsay, on of if not the largest collections of Impressionism in the world. I have to save some energy for that.

My plan for the rest of the day now is to just wander around and see where I end up. It is surprisingly easy to get to places by walking here, a lot of sights are quite close together.

The square outside Santa-Lucia train station contains an interesting cross-section of life. I am hearing French in one ear, unconsciously half-listening, my brain happy to be processing a familiar language. I hear German in the other ear, the harsh intonations familiar now but still alien.

Different sorts of travellers trudge towards the water-bus stations: families struggling to drag both luggage and children down the stairs , older people dragging their whole lives behind them in huge rolling suitcases and backpackers, looking bewildered, shoes, towels and all other manner of things hanging off their bulging backpacks.

On the stairs, people waiting for their trains out of the floating city sit and watch people, boats and pigeons go by. The pigeons ply the onlookers for food and pick at the crumbs on the ground. On the nearby bridge, Venice's unfortunate do the same.

Venice is a city frozen in time, with its absence of cars and tiny streets that are barely wide enough for the average person to walk through. It could be the Venice of Titian's day, indeed many scenes once painted by masters remain mostly unchanged, except for the rows of souvenir stands betraying their modernity.

I want to live here.

It would take living here for me to possibly take in everything I'd like to. I'm half tempted to drop the rest of my itinerary and just stay here until July but then I'd miss out on something else. Ah dilemmas.

See the thing with Florence is, masterpieces are literally everywhere. There is art hidden on the sides of buildings, on the stones that you walk on. Every church seems to have some great work of art adorning its sanctuary. It's overwhelming in a way.

I just strolled yesterday, visited the Duomo and the Baptistery, saw the famous Gates of Paradise Doors. That's a good example of what I mean, on of the most famous pieces of bas-relief is on a functional door. The inside is really cool too, decorated in mosaics. Then I just walked wherever I happened to go. There's something worth seeing on every corner so it seems silly to have a map and be worried about where you're going. I visited the Ponte Vecchio and saw the Palazzo Vecchio, another item from my art history class.

Today took a lot out of me. I had a reservation at 8:15 to go to the Uffizi so I woke up early and ate a quick breakfast. I spent 5 hours in the gallery, I kid you not. I had to take breaks every few rooms because there is just so much. It's one of the greatest collections of Italian art anywhere. There are Da Vinci's, Botticelli's, a Michelangelo. Room after room after room of brilliance. I saw two Venuses, many many Madonnas and way more than I could possibly get into here. I apologize to those of you who have no interest in art, I know my last few updates have been very centered around that but that is after all why I came to Italy in the first place and definitely why I came to Florence. This is essentially the birthplace of the Renaissance.

So right now I'm unwinding a bit before I try to go out and appreciate anything else. I want to see some more of Florence at night.